Megan Siobhan Brennan was born on May 12, 1988, and adopted on December 15, 1988. She attended Stuchbery Elementary, Thompson Intermediate, Texas Tech Distance Learning, Jackson Middle School, Kinkaid Summer Program for Math and Science, and Carnegie Vanguard High School. Megan died on April 25, 2017.
My images of Megan –
Screaming. The girl has lungs!
Her husky laugh. Laying her in her crib.
She raises her arms to have her blanket
Tucked under her arms.
Has to have her hand out so that
She can feel the little lambs on her pink blanket.
Missing facial nerve. Moebius. So what?
She is bright. Really smart.
In the world of disabilities we have come to know
This is easy.
Surgeries. They help. My daughter smiles
And says Mama instead of Nana.
Bye instead of die. Nicer.
Problems. Lots of problems.
She blames her face. I blame her.
Problems grow. Tensions build.
She is a statue. Never talking. Never revealing
What she feels inside.
I try, but I am not in there.
She does not deal with herself. Does not meet herself.
She runs away. Again and again.
She doesn’t yet understand that she can’t run away from herself.
I love her. I hate her. I love her.
Then. Change. Miracle. Transformation. Rebirth.
I see, but cannot trust.
When I trust, she breaks the trust.
Demanding. Inept. Irritating. Silent. Sullen. A rebel.
Or at least, at 14, constantly trying to be those things.
She wants to be uniformly different.
Thinks she is the first to feel the way she feels.
She has achieved and has started to learn to belong.
I am proud of her unfolding.
Megan is a treasure map. This I know.
A treasure map with no X to mark the spot where the treasure is buried.
She will have to find it for herself.
May 3, 2003